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I was doing pretty damn good with achieving a drama free Xmas. For once. Was working hard on it.

D kept calling and texting asking me to call, and I let putting it off to 1. Attempt a drama free Xmas, and 2. Establish some boundaries. The day before he texted about wanting to have sex, so the friends only thing was blown...He finally got to me late at night when I was driving home from going down to school to pick up some reading material. I called and while it was very hard, again explained that his chaotic life exhausted what I had to give. He pointed out that his life has always been chaotic, which of course is true and didn't make the conversation easier. Nothing has changed in his mind, so he doesn't get why I've changed.

Then in a twist oh so characteristic of my Christmases, C called a bit earlier while I was in the office and we chatted...I had suggested we meet for a drink but he was deep in time with his kids...nice chat and at the end I said I love dead silence. Those words have been said between us in that off hand not quite real way, but I meant them. A text to find out why the radio silence led to him saying he adores me but the nature of the relationship is so 'ambiguous and heavy' that he thinks we should end the physical part. Course he wants to chat all the time and flirt and support each others work, but not the physical...I think because of the poly behavior it implies...but maybe also because sex to him is complicated, being a former evangelical I don't think it's an easy topic for him to sort out.

So there you go, one dude I don't want begging to have sex and one dude I do want walking away. Perfect holidays.

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rubibees: (hps)
--this beautiful campus
--peaceful sweet weekend at home
--great time with [ profile] greenwapiti this weekend, we are in a good place (I think at least!)
--Cyrus gave me the pen holder he made in shop for my office ;)
--the Broken Bells album I cant stop listening to
--coven sisters who call to share how things are going
--my friends had fun in New Orleans with Orion
--trip to Montreal later this week
--my friend C is more around and he's a good person
--sweet birthday plans coming together, its going to be better than last year!
--al-anon which reminds me to do gratitudes as a way to make room for G*D
rubibees: (glades)
New Moon in Scorpio
Wednesday, October 26, 12:56 pm PDT, 3:56 pm EDT
The New Moon in passionate Scorpio arouses deep emotions. We may become hungry with desire, riddled with doubt or embittered with discontent that could seem like more than we can handle. Trying to bury these feelings is tempting, yet they provide the fuel required to make positive changes. Eliminating unhealthy beliefs, behavior and individuals that stand in the way of fulfillment is sometimes a painful task. However, the secret of tapping into Scorpio’s deep well of resources is to understand that we sometimes have to let go to in order to grow.
rubibees: (Default)
Having connectivity issues, so now I'm in starbucks typing on my phone. Had to pay for wi-fi at this starbucks. Everything really is more expensive in Europe.

Conference was all afternoon and into the evening yday. Good to catch up with my friends here and listen to some great papers on Mesopotamia. Too soon we turned to 18th and 19th cent England...snore. I am a snob, if it's not really old like really really old I'm not really interested. That's why I'm in Starbucks now.

A group of us went out for Indian food last night after the key note. Got to see the river even tho it was dark, it was beautiful.

Oh and the special section of our journal came out and my stuff looks very good. Pats on the back.

Back to shopping for ironic tshirts for Cy and then to the conference.

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Sep. 2nd, 2011 09:13 am
rubibees: (ancient bee)
Dr. Ardren,
I don't know if you remember me, but I took your APY201 course in '02 (I think). Then I audited your anthro class while I was in grad school and teaching at UM. I graduated with my Masters in 2004. I left my teaching job at UM about 3 years ago for Miami Dade College - Homestead and am now an Assistant Prof of Mathematics there. I am working on my EdD at FIU (was going to be PhD but they told me I had to quit my job!).
Anyway, I was preparing for the start of the new term and thought about you - I have incorporated many things that I learned from your courses into my classes. I spend a lot of time, for example, on exponential growth and decay in my College Algebra class. I have students estimate the age of bone fragments, predict population size, etc. I have them correlate their estimates using dendrochronology, known past population values and so forth. I have them research historical occurences that may affect their predictions/estimates...and on and on. They always ask how I know about these things when I am just a math teacher and I always reply the same...I learned about them in school from a great professor and I have never stopped reading! It seems that science has made leaps and bounds since I was an undergrad at UM and I struggle sometimes to keep my in-class examples up-to-date.
So, I just wanted to send you a note to say thank you for all that you taught me, as I now get to pass it on to those who will not have the privilege of your instruction, and know that you made a difference in the life of someone who did not turn out to be an archaeologist (although it was a dream of mine for a very long time).
Warmest regards,
Meghan Clovis
Assistant Professor, Mathematics
Miami Dade College, Homestead


Aug. 6th, 2011 01:38 pm
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The seership training has given me a vocabulary and tooolkit for why different places I go feel different...checked in briefly with the genus loci at Chuck's this morning...and it felt familiar like summer in CT does. Lush, green, growing, delicate, old, white people space.

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rubibees: (ocean moon)
New Moon Solar Eclipse in Cancer
Friday, July 1, 1:54 am PDT, 4:54 am EDT

This New Moon in protective Cancer is a very powerful Solar Eclipse. Instead of planting seeds of security in our gardens of desire, we are challenged to break up the old soil of expectations about what will make us safe and happy. Cancer wants closeness and continuity but eclipses break patterns, especially when forming stressful 90-degree squares with volatile Uranus. Yet while Uranus sparks surprises, constraining Saturn and transformational Pluto also form tense aspects to the New Moon. Pressure is building that can affect major institutions, individuals and the environment and is best met with innovation, passion and commitment. Being a well-prepared and patient agent of change will radically improve lives while desperately holding onto the past can be futile and frustrating.

rubibees: (Default)
to [ profile] rowanf!! I hope you had a great day! Sounds like you had a delicious birthday cheesecake! *hugs*
rubibees: (Default)
I am missing friends posts...cant see entries from moongladewoman or mia and probably some others post Sept. Any ideas what might be wrong?
rubibees: (tacos)
So I love this place! Its like NYC but with friendly brown people and more surprises and amazing archaeology everywhere. When Morgan and I were walking to the Metro stop the other day we passed a small monument to the founding of Tenochtitlan, the Aztec capital. We walked right by the place where the freakin eagle ate the freakin snake and the guy had the vision and the dirty homeless Mexica became the glorious Aztecs...Morgan said, and I quote, "and this is why Mexico is awesome."

I have no idea where to start, so here are just some random highlights of five nights in el DF. I love the Metro, as I said on FBK, its clean, cheap (20 cents per ride), timely (I never had to wait more than a minute for a train), well marked, there are ladies and children only cars at rush hour, there are friendly police everywhere and friendly Mexicans who give you the seat when it become available. I've taken the Metro down to the UNAM campus a couple of days, which is way down south at the end of a metro line, and its been a really fine experience. Plus there is the station with the Aztec temple...and the quadriplegics on skateboards selling gum...and the guys selling jello with the sing-song, "gelatina, se alegria" (jello, it makes you happy) slogan. All for a very low price. And I love our hotel room--I've stayed here a few times, and most of you know I gave Morgan his choice of places, and he chose the cool hotel...where my parents stayed before I was born and a sneaky Aztec spirit attached itself to them to be reborn as me...well maybe. Its old and has no heat or a/c, but you dont really need either in DF, its always pleasant and about 75 degrees. We have a big window that opens onto the zocolo or main square of the city, a public space the size of at least 10 football fields or some other ginormous space...its one of the largest is latin america. And every day there is something new going on there--a rock climbing wall, or concerts, or a huge inflatable boy courtesy of Dannon...our room is noisy with the sounds of the traffic around the square and the Cathedral bells, but it has wireless internet and the never ending show of the Zocalo.

Okay I have to say something about the food, right now! Thank the gods I have a child who is also a foodie, and one of our main objectives has been to eat well. The night we arrived we went to Cafe Tacuba which is kinda touristy but also awesome. It was full of families on a Sunday evening and Morgan had mole while I had chile rellenos. Yesterday we had a our big splurge meal, and I spent about $75. on lunch for us at El Cardenal which is right around the corner from our hotel. Its in a beautiful colonial building with stained glass (featuring, wait for it--cardinals) and we took the elevator to the second floor. After ordering drinks the waiter brought us a molcajete filled with a quartered avocado, fresh farmers cheese and a cilantro/line/scallion sauce (with warm tortillas on the side) that was freakin amazing. I could have eaten just this for lunch. We ordered smoked trout tostadas as an app, they were intense and very filling, with a light layer of cream under the trout. Then Morgan has chilis en nogada, a seasonal dish served cold. Its a large poblano chili stuffed with ground beef and fruit (like peaches) covered in a walnut cream sauce and topped with pomegranate seeds. I had salmon meatballs in a chipotle sauce, mostly cause it sounded so incredibly weird. But it was delicious! Very intense and filling. A small side of stewed black beans and of course warm tortillas finished up the table. We are ourselves silly. We have also had great food at our morning hotel breakfast buffet (Morgan applauds mole for breakfast) and I ate yummy tacos and beer at Salon Corona tonight. Last night we were up in the posh part of town and had amazing food at an old hacienda turned into massive restaurant--a bit too full of businessmen speaking English, but the snapper with tomatoes and cilantro I had was perfect. Morgan, again, had mole. LOL

We have also been blessed with many friends--last night dinner was with good friends from Miami who live here now, folks we met because they have kids the same age as Morgan and Cy. And due to the power of Facebook, Morgan is still in regular communication with Dominique, even tho she moved here 4 years ago. Her mom and dad both work in the music industry and they were transferred here so Robbie could be Vice President of Colombia recordings for Mexico...a job he lost in jan due to budget cuts. His partner worked for Sony and now manages the mega band of the moment Zoe. Despite these uber cool jobs they are the most gentle down to earth folks, imagine the Irish Spring leprechaun if he grew up in Argentina and thats Robbie, Terri is a quiet long-suffering Mexican. Morgan spent the day with Domi today--their driver (not uncommon for wealthy Mexicans) picked him up at the hotel after I went to the conference then he and Domi sat in traffic for two hours to get to her fav sushi place on the north/posh side of town and later they hit a Starbucks and the movies. Teen life is remarkably globalized for the middle classes. We were also fortunate enough to have two friends give us a tour of the new exhibit on Moctezuma II at the Templo Mayor. Angel and Ximena both work there and have been excavating at the ruins of the main temple of the Aztec ceremonial precinct for the past many years and showed us the new treasures, like the coyote skeleton decorated with jade, gold, a spear point and olive shell beads or the 15 foot x 15 foot stone image of Tlatecutli, the earth goddess. She has curly red hair (like Ximena!), eagle claws and a human in her womb--absolutely fierce and outstanding. One of my students is here too, Julie, and she has been analyzing Aztec skeletons all week so its been lots of fun to catch up with her work and such. Plus all the other locals who recommended the restaurants and metro routes...definitely feeling lucky to know so many local huatches.

And finally, have I said how much I love my oldest son?!? He is an expert traveling companion--we both like to sleep in, compute, eat breakfast, walk a lot, take the Metro, eat great food, visit with friends over beers and mediocre hipster food, even take the bus to Puebla for a visit to the pyramids and a grasshopper with chili and lime snack. He is loving the contrast to the Mexico he knows so well, the pueblo Mexico of tricicletas and thatched roofs in Yucatan, and he is such a city boy that he doesn't mind the noise or the crowds or the traffic. Seems to thrive on it. Told me Cholula was beautiful but he could never go to college there (I have a friend at the UDLA) because it was just too small. They dont have a movie theatre, mom, he said. I love that he is speaking Spanish and taking it all in stride, growing up as a globalized piece of latin america, this isnt foreign to him but an extension of who he is. Maybe the Muslim world would be foreign, or Asia...but not this. All in all an excellent adventure. Plus going home will be so sweet and timely!!! Everyone should visit el DF!!
rubibees: (Default)

On the road trying to get to Gainesville--still. We were supposed to get there last night after leaving town when the boys got out of school. My work went long but only by an hour...but then as we were heading out the door around 5, Mic discovered his server wasn't working and we were stuck at home for 4.5 hours...finally hit the road at 9:30pm. I drove until 1am, was happy to do so, but then we got a cheap hotel room near Orlando. Got up and going but now there are 2 accidents on I75 and traffic is crawling. Some road trips are just one thing after another.

The rest of the week wasn't so weird really, just full of long hours working on the catalog and not much else. Our moon on Thur was awesome, I loved learning more about the Slavic deities from Joseph. But didn't get to dance class at all due to working, working, working.

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rubibees: (queen)
In my Inbox today:

Dear Traci

We are a French company specialized in interior design for yacht.

Following some research about Maya specialists, we have found many references about your work.

We would like to propose you a collaboration for a yacht project which will involve different aspect of the Maya culture.

The main idea is to work on designs inspired about what could have imagined the Maya architects. Of course, you can also bring into this project some new ideas.

Besides, if you need more information about this project, we can organize a Skype conference at your convenience.

I am looking forward to hearing from you soon


François Bonnard
rubibees: (Default)

The celloists tonight are playing Dvozak and The Slavic Dance!!!

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I'm just writng this for myself folks, feel free to tune out.
So yesterday D and I were talking and it seemed almost like, no really like before the revelation. And I realized that he hasn't changed, I mean he was drinking these past months and is now so he hasn't changed. I feel like I'm in a very different place...and then I'm not. In conversation it easily feels like nothing happened. And I'm certainly not going to argue the pros and cons of drinking as that doesn't get him to see them and just upsets me. So see how quickly I am right in the place that I criticized so harshly in his friends? But later last night I read the word 'disappointed' and the anger came back. I'm disappointed, he disappointed me although yes I know we set ourselves up for disappointment with our expectations. But this was not my expectation alone, he participated. And Marny says addicts mean it when they say they are trying to stop's not a line in the sense of intentional deception. hmmm.
I asked a series of questions in an email to D yday which we ended up answering on the phone. He says drinking was the only thing he kept from me, that he told me now because he was tired of lieing but he thought there was a good chance I would walk away. He didn't tell me for the past 6 months because he thought we might not have had those 6. He didn't tell me to break up or because he wants to see someone else, and he doesn't think a new relationship would be any easier. He has never considered if he loves himself more, less, or the same as how much he loves me. I know he likes himself okay but he despises the addict part and describes it as pathetic.
Still taking emotional space and thinking.

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A whole series of events, feelings, etc have put me in a Slavic frame of mind...the book I chose to take to the SAAs set it in motion I guess-- Absurdistan by Gary Shteyngart. I bought it for my dad shortly after his diagnosis with the big was supposed to be funny. Which it is, but with that life is pain so let's live large philosophy ( course the live large part means drinking, he is Russian after all). My dad and I shared the Slavic moods from time to time, been thinking of that as I read this book. And all the people who drink as a way of life and always have, and the dark third world life of the Slavs today that we both loved, the basterd step children of Europe. And the tragedy of the Polish plane wreck and the stroganoff I found in the freezer last's fatalism with character, resistance, and ancestors are calling. Bought a Golden Pheasant (Slovak beer) for them last night but forgot to offer it. I feel the dead around but I feel very far from my gods right now.

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Apr. 14th, 2010 02:21 pm
rubibees: (Default)

I spoke with my good friend Tyler last might, he is 13 years sober n a seer, witch. He suggested I take D up on the exit and withdraw from any contact for 3 lunar cycles--to heal, to get perspective, to keep my word. It was scary but felt safe n a bit crazy.

I ignored D's text last nite n call this am, but I could tell from his message he didn't know what was going on. So I called n said I can't be in contact if he is drinking. He said he changes his mind every day about whether he should or not...has tried to stop so many times n failed that he doesn't think he can, can't guaranty he can stay sober, etc. I said I didn't need perfection but I need him to be committed to trying, as he said he was. If he isn't, he isn't. But it sounds like he is struggling with accepting what he has to do. We had one of our best conversations ever about AA...but left it that he is not to call until he has decided he wants to be sober. Maybe with space I will get to a place of peace with whatever he does, drink or not...the whole Al Anon approach, but I can't see that now. I also cant stop hoping he will do the right thing n get help staying sober.

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rubibees: (yemaya)
My lj friend [ profile] danceswithfish has her new jewelry line live on etsy! Check out her rosaries and great earrings!
rubibees: (shango altar)
Dear Pat Robertson, I know that you know that all press is good press, so I appreciate the shout-out. And you make God look like a big mean bully who kicks people when they are down, so I'm all over that action. But when you say that Haiti has made a pact with me, it is totally humiliating. I may be evil incarnate, but I'm no welcher. The way you put it, making a deal with me leaves folks desperate and impoverished. Sure, in the afterlife, but when I strike bargains with people, they first get something here on earth -- glamour, beauty, talent, wealth, fame, glory, a golden fiddle. Those Haitians have nothing, and I mean nothing. And that was before the earthquake. Haven't you seen "Crossroads"? Or "Damn Yankees"? If I had a thing going with Haiti, there'd be lots of banks, skyscrapers, SUVs, exclusive night clubs, Botox -- that kind of thing. An 80 percent poverty rate is so not my style. Nothing against it -- I'm just saying: Not how I roll. You're doing great work, Pat, and I don't want to clip your wings -- just, come on, you're making me look bad. And not the good kind of bad. Keep blaming God. That's working. But leave me out of it, please. Or we may need to renegotiate your own contract. Best, Satan

rubibees: (Default)

I feel justified ordering any fancy bottled water I want! The bill is always less.

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Out shopping for Aph, that always makes Her very happy! Just found a bunch of yummy stuff at a Greek importer in Hollywood. And on the drive up I convinced the white doves guy to rent me doves for release. Woot! He was a little uncertain since it wasn't a wedding or funeral. Three doves will be with us all night and then I get to release them for Her sat morning!

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