Dec. 26th, 2011

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I was doing pretty damn good with achieving a drama free Xmas. For once. Was working hard on it.

D kept calling and texting asking me to call, and I let putting it off to 1. Attempt a drama free Xmas, and 2. Establish some boundaries. The day before he texted about wanting to have sex, so the friends only thing was blown...He finally got to me late at night when I was driving home from going down to school to pick up some reading material. I called and while it was very hard, again explained that his chaotic life exhausted what I had to give. He pointed out that his life has always been chaotic, which of course is true and didn't make the conversation easier. Nothing has changed in his mind, so he doesn't get why I've changed.

Then in a twist oh so characteristic of my Christmases, C called a bit earlier while I was in the office and we chatted...I had suggested we meet for a drink but he was deep in time with his kids...nice chat and at the end I said I love dead silence. Those words have been said between us in that off hand not quite real way, but I meant them. A text to find out why the radio silence led to him saying he adores me but the nature of the relationship is so 'ambiguous and heavy' that he thinks we should end the physical part. Course he wants to chat all the time and flirt and support each others work, but not the physical...I think because of the poly behavior it implies...but maybe also because sex to him is complicated, being a former evangelical I don't think it's an easy topic for him to sort out.

So there you go, one dude I don't want begging to have sex and one dude I do want walking away. Perfect holidays.

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